Raise your hand if you watch Modern Family.
Well, folks, the link provided should take you straight to the best episode that could possibly be written in the history of everything ever on that show.
This is a show my parents record on the DVR and are kind enough to wait til I come home from class to watch.
That being being said, every episode generally consists of my father repeating over and over,
"I hate Phil. I effing* him. Someone needs to beat him down. Why don't they just effing* kill that stupid effing* guy."
Then, a miracle occurred.
Phil and Claire switched roles.
While Phil duck-taped one of the girls' laptops, Dad yelled,
"I love mean Phil. I LOVE him. They should keep him for-effing*-ever."
I agree, mean Phil is awesome and - like my father - only forgot to feed the girls ONCE.
Then, there's Claire.
Now, while watching this episode, I was sitting with my parents so that SwissMiss was sitting in the middle.
When Claire ran one of the boys into the tires at the edge of the track, Dad and and I turned in perfect unison to look at my mother while she tried to stiffen her face to show no emotion and didn't dare to even look at either of us from the corner of her eye.**
Why?
Because my mother would totally run anyone she loved off a go-cart track.
My mother would slam your hand into nacho dip while you were dipping.***
My mother would write out "u suck" with your alphabet chicken nuggets for you to find when you come back from a potty break in a nice restaurant.****
My mother would prank call you so convincingly you would fall for it right up to the minute she asks you to spell "penis".****
My mother would tell you if you were running away that she knew where you were going and had called ahead and had already found out there wasn't any room for you there and you might as well go back to bed.*****
In conclusion, Modern Family ruined their chances of ever being the best show of all time by switching Phil and Claire back to their original roles.
*My father would never actually say "effing." He's a sailor. He uses real effing profanity.
**My mother repeated this maneuver when I repeated this little event to Ceejus who couldn't stop laughing.
***See what Ceejus said.
****Totally happened.
*****The other ones weren't me, but this one totally was.