Lend Me Your Ear

Today's a griping kind of day.
I try avoiding these, but they still happen.

My head dislikes:

  • light;
  • caffeine;
  • planes ascending, descending and or experiencing turbulence;
  • extreme sleep depravation;
  • stress; and,
  • dehydration.


  • wear rose-colored glasses;
  • have given up coffee and Dr Pepper for hot cocoa and root beer;
  • generally don't need to fly;
  • could win the Olympic gold in taking naps;
  • self-medicate with brightly-colored cowgirl boots and other items of whimsy; and,
  • drink lots of non-alcoholic fluids (lamest college student ever, I know).

Yet, besides the issue of not liking to booze it up, I detect something amiss with the lists.
I don't know how many of you know this, but root beer was the first soda-pop.
It's true.
Also, it was always caffeine free.
Also, true.
A few summers back, I gorged myself on a drink called Manhattan Special and then spent the night wishing I were dead.
It's an espresso coffee soda with twi the sugar and caffeine of any beverage known to man.
It's gorgeous and it hates my head.
So, no more caffeine for The Sheriff.
No more coffe or Dr Pepper or my original lover.
Sad, but true.
So, I drink root beer and the occasional ginger ale, when a restaurant doesn't serve root beer.
While taking my humanities requirements this summer I would go to the cafe and get myself a root beer.
I would then not sleep so well and thought it was from the school's fluorescent lights.
They blink and they hum, people.
They blink and they hum.
Then, the truth.
Coca-Cola makes Barq's with caffeine.
Not cool.
Most restaurants buy Coke products, especially in LA where several restaurants serve Root Beer Floats.
Very uncool.
Just about everywhere sis took me had Root Beer Float on the menu.
Was it Barq's?
Could I order it?
The one place with a Root Beer Float and no Barq's was this place called Vince's which reeks deliciously of garlic before you even open the door to this nirvana of family-style Italian food.
They use Mugs.
Wait, no, I'm supposed to be griping.
Coke, you have tainted my soda-pop safe haven of root beer.
Never again may I go into a restaurant and simply order a root beer.
Now, I have to be all difficult like Meg Ryan.

Can I get you a drink to start?

Yes, I'd like root beer if you have it, but not Barq's. Any root beer but Barq's is fine, but if you don't have anything besides Barq's I'll take ginger ale. If you don't have ginger ale, I'll taken any caffeine free soda-pop you have except Sprite. If all you have is Sprite, I'll stick with water but I'd like two thin slices of lemon. However, I don't want those little half circles on the edge of my glass, I want them under the ice when you bring it to me and be sure the cup is filled one-third of the way with ice before adding the water. If you put the ice and water into the cup before the lemon, just drop the lemon on top on top. Don't put it on the edge the glass.

OMG, I'm already there, aren't I?